Lose You To Love Me

By Alquan Brooks
We Cope to Music

image via E

I remember it like it was yesterday, October 2007, an angel blessed my television screen in the form of Selena Gomez. My heart danced in my chest, and I was consumed with an emotion I’ve only felt a handful of times, love. Growing up watching this beautiful young woman grow through her television series, music career and relationships taught me the beauties of self-love, compassion and the lingering effects of a toxic relationship.

Selena Gomez is the Disney princess we don’t deserve and her music will forever be timeless and important. In her blossoming career, she lyrically asked us “Who says you’re not perfect, who says you’re not worth it and who says you’re not beautiful?” She taught us to Hit the Lights, let the music move you and lose yourself in the moment. She released many singles that challenged us to love ourselves wholeheartedly and taught us that we have a right to a beautiful life. She also released heart-wrenching singles that exposed her vulnerability and her relationship struggles with her ex, Justin Beiber. We’ve all witnessed Selena’s heartache through that relationship, deleting her social media and even publicly revealing that she admitted herself to rehab for mental and physical health issues. She went from pleading to her then lover in The Heart Wants What It Wants to losing that same lover and acquiring self-love in Lose You To Love Me. This is the glow up we needed for her and ourselves.

I needed to lose you to find me
I needed to hate you to love me
I needed to lose you to love me

Lose You To Love Me was released on October 23 and the single broke the internet. This single changed Selena’s career, because many people constantly associate her discourse with Beiber. This single created a new era for her, because she’s now in fallen in love with the most important person in her life, herself.

This single is extremely raw and vulnerable because she divulges extensively in the relationship that molded her into the confident woman she is now. She first starts by singing “you promised the world and I fell for it. I put you first and you adored it, set fires to my forest.” She’s brutally honest that she put Beiber’s own happiness before herself that caused her pain to fester and burn internally for years. She knew her relationship was beautifully toxic by singing “this dancing was killing me softly.”

The most haunting, bone-chilling lyrics from this single, “in two months you replaced us. Like it was easy, made me think I deserved it. IN THE THICK OF HEALING.” This is clear shade to Beiber and we’re illuminated to the mental warfare she battled. It’s a known fact that Selena had a kidney transplant surgery due to complications of her constant fight with Lupus. When someone you supposedly love battles a genetic disease and enters rehab for help, you’re supposed to build them up not tear them down. She was made to feel like she was the cause of the failed relationship and she finally constructed her narrative through this song.


The music video of the song is perfect. It’s her singing her truth with different shots of her upset, in pain, but most importantly happy. Selena’s vulnerability is beautifully captured with various panning camera shots of her singing and acting the narrative she’s conveying. While she’s singing the titular verse “I needed to lose you to love me” we see Selena blessing the world with her infamous, gorgeous bright smile. Fun fact, the entire video was shot on an iPhone.

Lose You To Love Me is hands down my favorite Selena Gomez song ever and my song of the year. For me, the purpose of the song is to give clarity to a part of her life that almost defined her. She finally walked away from the relationship that caused her so much pain and found her true soulmate, herself. This song is inspiring because we all hold on to relationships we think we need, but ultimately we need to love ourselves unapologetically before anyone can truly love is. Self-love is important and Selena Gomez bravely told her narrative on this breathtaking single.

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